Austin+Grant

１２　ｗｏｒｄ　ｓｔｏｒｙ

A boy, a teen, a man. He laughed, he cried, he died.

Feedback: Very effective - reminds me of Shakespeare's seven ages of man. //All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players, They have their exits and entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts...//

Ａ　ｓｔｏｒｙ　ｗｉｔｈ　５０　 ｗｏｒｄｓ　ａ　ｍｏｔｉｆ　ａｎｄ　ｎｏ　ｅａｓｅ！

Absorbing day, as a roomy cloth. A 50 word story plays on a blank mind. An arid Microsoft word lays blank on my laptop. For what’s prior to f in my abc is out of bounds. With this a motif must show amongst 50 short words. I sit and think.

Feedback: Excellent opening with the evocative metaphor.



Pop ate my heart In the flashing of light and boom of the electric bass Pop ate my heart, leaving an eccentric waste. He stripped me of my personality To become a robot operated manually; By the likes of Mrs Gaga in their sugar coated empire. To light my brain on fire I will always aspire; To be the center of one’s desire, in a manner I have acquired; From pop… Who ate my heart.

Clever idea and some excellent lines. Rework the last two lines. 7/10



Altitude was decreasing. Every second cost 100 meters in height. The outside clouds were as black as coal, and the lightning bolts were installing fear into every one of Edkin’s passengers. Amongst the screaming of terrified holiday goers Edkin’s instruments were beeping and flashing as if they were alive…. It all stopped. Edkin and his passengers ran to the windows to see what had happened. It seemed that they were floating. Floating in what Edkin had read in his dead wife’s diary was a ‘cloud oasis’. (Intriguing opening. Watch your sentences! 8/10) ** Closing paragraph: ** Although immensely beautiful it was haunting. The passengers of Edkin’s plane were consumed by the wonder of the Oasis in a way that denied them their ability to act or even think of their own will. They stood simply staring at the exquisite cloud formations swirling and twisting into the shapes of the viewers most significant desires. Edkin feared the passengers would be consumed in their own desires and did what he could to steer the plane out of this fictional reality. (I have corrected the syntax. Excellent sentence beginnings! Does make me want to read more. 8/10)
 * Week 5 Home work **
 * Opening paragraph: ** [[image:http://www.nema.ne.gov/images/weatherawesome.gif width="196" height="237" align="right"]]

Week 6 Home Work All my peers bowed to her, I could not as I was frozen in fear. She towered over me with her deathly black hair that clung to her head with not a strand even slightly loose. She was standing on the hand of a bowing woman, with the long spine that served as a support to her cold leather shoe penetrating the skin. The queen had one hand concealed in a glove, covering the lower half of her face. Between her fingers, one of her dark piercing eyes stared through me. She spoke only three words, “It puzzles me,” before she took her hand from her face and effortlessly pulled me by my hair to her feet. It was almost as if she fed on the power of her peers, as she continued to stride over the bowing public that paved the crystal floor towards the grand doors of her palace. She arrived at the huge crystal doors, and without turning to face the adoring public she spoke, “It puzzles me, why, you see me as your queen.” A great gust of wind blew open the huge crystal doors. She advanced into the palace turned around and continued, “When you should see me as your God”… the huge crystal doors slammed shut… a high pitched squeal was followed by a crack in the huge crystal doors, and the four segments of these colossal structures fell forwards onto the front half of the bowing audience, which thankfully I was behind.

As the dust settled, the queen emerged and said, “Those who see me as their God will be spared and, those who don’t will suffer as those under my crystal doors." With this she sharply turned and advanced into the darkness of her palace. An unusual character! Your descriptions are powerful but I would add more about her attire and the tone of her voice. I have made corrections. Watch direct speech - a comma is needed before "...8/10

YES! Cordelia Loved You…. But she’s dead! Kings Lear’s tragic awakening to the love of his only legitimate daughter, occurs at the time of her, and his own death… Just the cherry on top of our king’s lifetime of foolish deeds. Yesterday evening at a British camp near Dover, the late king Lear died of shock with his only truly loving daughter, Cordelia dead in his arms. Lear and Cordelia weren’t the only ones with death certificates after the tragic afternoon, Lear’s other daughters, Regan and Goneril died also, after years of deceiving and exploiting their foolish father, for all that he had. Although perhaps the most tragic event of yesterday evening was Lear’s realisation of the fact that Cordelia was his only daughter that truly loved him, which occurred only as she lay dead in his arms. In despite of Cordelia’s love, Lear had treated her with such hate, exiling and disowning her, after expressing that her love could not only be for her father, yet also for her husband. And for his daughters that had no love for him, Goneril and Regan, he gave all his love, with which he, wrongly, gave his kingdom, his power and his trust. The Earl of Gloucester, who was a loyal friend of Lear’s, says  “My dear Lear, I knew the day would come, the day where your unmistakeable pride, your inability to read people are their motives and your pure foolishness, would lead to your death, yet I am most distressed to find out that your only loving daughter dies with you. Yet know this, people of England, King Lear was a good man, noble and caring, yet he was one of foolish flaws, which he only fully realised the effects of at the last moment of his life.” Lear’s doctor and physiologist Dr. Hudris, says “the reason for King Lear’s death was due to the sever shock of his situation, all at once he had an epiphany, realising he had put trust and love into people he shouldn’t (his daughters Goneril and Regan) and treated those who deserved it (Cordelia), with hatred, in a desperate attempt to retain his pride, after they reveal to him the truth. He also realised he had put his kingdom into the hands of untrustworthy and greedy people. All this occurred at a time of mental instability, with Lear slipping in and out of insanity, as he battles to regain his own pride.” <span style="font-family: Verdana,Geneva,sans-serif;">Lear and his pride are to blame for the events of yesterday afternoon and those leading up to it. And now our late foolish king leaves England with nothing and the events to come for the British people can only be guessed.